Blog every day in May with Rosalilium

I rather impulsively signed up to Elizabeth's at Rosalilium's Blog every day in May project this morning in an attempt to push my blog boundaries... I've found it really easy to slip into sharing photos and only photos... so lets hope this pushes me to share more.  Check out the BEDM calendar here!

5 lines

• I've recently started doing yoga everyday and its one of the best things I've done for myself lately.

• Though I do hate that I have to get up earlier, but not as much as I love the yoga...

• I'm currently addicted to browsing Society6 - there are so many talented people on there (check out my favourites!)

• I haven't taken any film photos for a while and its making me a bit sad.

• I really love my blog, but I'm not 100% sure I love 'blogging' at the moment... lets hope this helps.

p.s. I realised after reading some of everyones posts that I haven't actually introduced myself properly, so here's a little more: My name is Rhianne, I've been blogging for 4 years now and I mostly share my film photos. My favourite colour is mustard yellow.

My 2012 word...

Yesterday Susannah Conway released her 2013 Unravelling workbook and after going through it last year and picking my word for 2012, I guess now is the time to reflect on how the year has been before I move forward into 2013.

My word for 2012 is/was considerate. I actually can't remember how I came upon this word, but it has always felt right. However, I can't decide if the year has come to suit the word, or if having the word meant that I had chosen to cope with whatever the year had to throw at me. And this year has thrown a lot at me.

Funnily enough, after reading through my original post about my word, I don't feel like I've really chosen where I want to be in 5-10 years time still, but in being considerate to myself, I've also come to realise that it doesn't matter any where near as much as I thought it did. A lot of the expectations for the next 5-10 years of my life don't actually come from me - they come from the people around me and what they think I should be doing (either directly about me, or in projecting where they think they will be in the future and expecting the same) and in realising that, I let them all go. And together, Thomas and I actually decided on a possible future that no one would have expected from us. And you know what, it feels like it could be the right thing to do. Scary perhaps, but right and in being 'considerate' with what's best for us, I'm actually much happier (and terrified haha)

It sounds simple saying 'I let them all go'. Letting go always sounds simple. But it wasn't and I don't let things go easily, in fact, I've mourned my 'losses' for a long time this year. And being 'considerate' to myself has been my crutch. I let myself sulk, mourn and cry because I know that I needed to. The good news though is that once I was done feeling bad about it all and getting it all out, I felt better. I remember once that someone told me, 'in order to clean a room, sometimes it needs to get dirty first...' and I think the same process seems to apply to me looking after myself and getting myself to where I need to be. Hopefully the dirty part is over though...

One thing I've made a 'considerate' effort to let go of is my worries... and the best thing I found to help me was this video from Marie Forleo about 'Dealing with being overwhelmed'. It might have even been a link from Susannah actually, but I've watched it once a week ever since I first saw it and it has worked. The first time I did it, I wrote out two full sides of A4, with no gaps, it just fell out of me through my pen. And then I crossed out 3/4's of it. Sure, those worries have crept back every week but the more I cross them out, the less important they seem.

Writing this post, it seems weird that one word has helped me so much with a year. That one word has helped me look at myself and realise that I like who I am and that I always have done. It has made me realise that a lot of things are out of my control and it is OK to let those things go. It has held me up through the unexpected and painful and its guided me through a lot of decisions. I guess part of me must have known that I needed to take some time to look after myself, though I didn't realise I needed a whole year.

I'm actually pretty nervous about choosing my 2013 word now (I have no idea what it will be yet) as the impact of 2012's word has been so huge, but at the same time, I'm ready to move forward and take that word on too.

10 things you might not know about me...

{LC-A, Kodak Portra NC 160 film}

I've been slowly reading through Susannah Conway's book, This I Know, savouring it, thinking over it and really, really enjoying it. This I Know is not a book to be rushed.

In one part of her book Susanah talks about blogging and sets a little challenge to share 10 things about yourself that people don't know, so I decided to just do it. I've been so distracted these past couple of weeks that I haven't felt as in touch with the blogging community as I would like to be, so maybe you could share something about yourself too below? Let's reconnect!

Here goes...

1. I've been in a relationship now for nearly 10 years and it still amazes me.

2. I'm an extrovert. I've never thought about it seriously before but whilst reading Angie's post it just made sense that I was, I talk a lot and to anyone and I am so easily distracted (heh). In many ways its nice to know that I'm not completely crazy but I also know that it doesn't really define me, it just explains (a lot of) the things that I've had to learn to work around and also why I totally don't get some people.

3. I thought that when my little sister got married I would be less worried about her, it turns out that now I just have a little brother (in law) to worry about too.

(Has anyone read the part in Susannah's book about being a big sister? I cried.)

4. In writing that point above, I should probably write that I worry too much.

 and...some nights I'm so worried/anxious I can't sleep.

5. I am the pickiest person when it comes to music, Thomas has almost given up recommending music for me - though I personally think it is this that kept him on his toes for the past 10 years, hehe.

6. We watch a lot of TV and films - there is so much good TV at the moment, we're currently catching up on Dexter, Boardwalk Empire, Parks and Recreation and we've just finished watching the whole of Seinfeld for the second time through and about to start again.

7. I loooove classic old films and we've been slowly watching more and more, I've only just seen Casablanca but it was so good - next on our list is To Kill a Mockingbird and I'm really looking forward to seeing it.

8. The healthier you eat, the harder it seems to lose weight.... I'm 100% sure that my body is in super suvival mode and stores any and all food that I eat, just in case... It is incredibly frustrating and slow for me to feel any progress when I'm trying to be good and although I'm not unhappy with how I look, I do want to be trimmer, sometimes I just wish I didn't have to watch every single thing that I eat, all the time... and that sugar free things actually tasted nice.

9. Putting my new site together has made it harder for me to blog here at the moment - I think my heart has already moved home, even if its not official yet... its also made me realise how much I love blogging and how much I've done with it in the past three years. I've seen posts about blogging changing a lot and it has... but I've changed too and I still want to be here and I hope that you do too :)

10. One of my favourite things is hanging the washing out in the garden. Isn't that sad. But it means that one, I have a garden(!) and two, its not raining and even more, its sunny. 

Thomas laughed at me for putting this photo up in our house but I really like it as it reminds me of the little things to be grateful for...

p.s. the photo is totally unrelated, but I like it :)

A rather amazing portrait...

{A portrait of me by the amazingly talented and lovely Caitlin from Hue and Hum} 

Last month, my blog friend Caitlin (who I first blogged about here featuring her amazing art) from Hue and Hum posted about accepting portrait orders and I jumped at the chance to have one of me with one of my cameras...

And here is the result. I just adore it. I love the yellow camera, all the stripes, the cute shoes and my usual outfit of a cardigan and jeans, woohoo!!

See more of Caitlin's portraits here, she is one seriously talented lady!!!


p.s. you might notice the original portrait that Caitlin has that I have an earring, I edited it out as I don't have my ears pierced... sorry Caitlin :)