A full roll...

So something amazing has happened… after sooo many years of taking film photos - I have a full roll of film that I’m so happy with that I’m sharing them ALL here. This does. not. happen. And it might never happen again but today is that day. It feels quite amazing.

I often wonder how other people feel about their photos, I know that a lot of people get caught up on technical details and perfection - but for me, photography has always been about how it makes me feel. I recently listened to Kevin Clifton’s podcast and he said ‘When I dance, I want to express not impress’ and I thought YES!! This is why I’m here, this is why I’m forever taking photos or thinking about my photos, or wondering when I’ll take my next photo. I want to express myself. And sure if people are impressed as a result, thats great - but if you’re here looking for technically amazing photos… sorry to disappoint!

Any these are the last photos from a roll of Fuji Superia - which I’ve been reminded of how much I like - taken at York Gate Garden - I’m sure you’ve noticed that I like it there.

Of course, as an over thinker, I am wondering a number of things including -have I got better or just less picky about what I show here? Is this roll as good as I think it is? How much of a fluke is this?!

Do you have these thoughts too? I hoped I would perhaps feel more sure about my work after the years of experience but I think that if I wasn’t so worried about it, then perhaps I wouldn’t be as invested…

Camera: Canon EOS 750
Film: Fuji Superia 200
Location: York Gate Garden, Leeds

Who I am - 2019 edition

Ten(!) years ago I wrote a blog post called Who I am. I was 24, I was soooo young. I was so different - I was exactly the same. So I thought, to celebrate my blog being 10 years old and still going (and my 34th birthday, happy birthday me) I’d write a new who I am post.

I am 34 years old - and I still often feel a lot older.
Especially around younger people and children who look at me as an adult.
I no longer get asked for ID since I stopped dying my hair. This annoys me (ha!) but I love my hair, so I get over it.

I am a daughter, a big sister and now, an Auntie!
No matter how far away I live from my family, I’m always these things.
And now I have a car too (which I can drive!) - so its easy peasy to get to them all.

I’m also now a cat lover and cat guardian (we have 2 cats!)
I had no idea that cats were so delightful, affectionate, silly, adorable and loving.
My cats are the best. Don’t @ me

I am in love...
I would not be who I am without him.
We’ve now been together for half of our lives.
I love him more and more.
Sometimes I think I might explode with it.
I haven’t yet…

I am still technically an Interior Designer
but now I’m also a lighting designer AND an electrical engineer.
And I’ve been doing both of those last two things for over a year - and they even tie loosely into Interior Design.
I still don’t quite believe it.

I have two books on Amazon.
I don’t remember what I wrote in the one with 3 stars
But it appears to have divided its audience lol
I’m more amused than upset by the mixed reviews, it feels like I wrote it a lifetime ago.

I am still easily excited and short
I still like both of these things about me.
I like more about me the older I get.

I am impatient.
I still want to travel but we now have a beautiful garden and TWO kittens.
24 year old me wouldn’t believe it if I told her.

I am still not sure what I want to do in the future.
I am looking forward to it though.

I still love yellow, roast vegetables and making blankets
I still love taking photos and exploring new places
I still love blogging and sharing silly words with you all

I am the same, I am different, I am more than I was 10 years ago.

I have experienced more than I had at 24.
grief, depression, chronic illness.
I had anxiety then, I just didn’t know what to call it.
I was happy.

I am still happy.
Even when I am sad.

Hello! Remember me?

Hey kids, sorry for the radio silence, this year has been a bit crazy - pretty much from May onward I feel like I’ve been taking steps in so many directions that I’ve just ended up running in circles haha. Still we’ve made to the end of the year - and in the last couple of weeks I’ve had to decide what I really want to do with this space.

I knew I didn’t want it to disappear, I feel like this blog is the best thing to come out of the 6 years I spent at a job that didn’t take me anywhere - yet I wasn’t sharing, wasn’t taking photos. Then Flickr decided to be extra and charge for having over 1,000 photos on there. Ouch, I have 8,000! So I then had to decide what to do about that - and as Flickr is linked quite a lot with my earlier blog posts, I decided that I better keep both.

And keeping both costs money, so if I’m keeping both - I better actually use them. And here we are… here I am! Hi! I’m sure you haven’t missed me, but I’ve missed you.

I also decided that if I am sharing here, I’m going to share whatever I want. And that at the moment includes tarot cards, knitting, crochet (those are all over my Pinterest anywho), anxiety, food intolerances, grief, engineering (get me!) and of course, our favourite subject - film photography. There will still be photos once get I get myself organised don’t worry.

Over all though guys, I want there to be love. A love of taking photos, a love of doing something that is just for you, a love of sharing and (re)connecting to the world, a love of all the good things and a love of all the bad things.

My instagram reads: ~ love ~ create ~ inspire ~ smile ~ and I think perhaps its time to get back to all those things and remember why I loved blogging in the first.

(And if after a year of paying for Flickr, I haven’t blogged and its just not worth the investment, then we’ll see… but positive thinking right?!)

Life lately...

So like other bloggers before (and I'm sure after) me, I feel inclined to explain my latest absence from my blog and also my Instagram page too. The life of a creative is a life of ebbs and flows, you have the urge to do things and then it disappears and you feel like you're chasing an ever elusive target.

The truth for me is that my target is different to it was when I started this blog. When I started it, I was bored of work, bored of life I guess and frustrated that my creativity wasn't being satisfied like it had been at University. But now, I've nearly finished a lighting design diploma and I'm finally a designer of something - although not the interiors I initially started on the path towards. I now have a job I really enjoy and it might even progress further to a full on electrical engineer at the rate its going, which if you'd have told me 8 years ago, or even as little as 2 years ago, I wouldn't have believed you haha!

I know how lucky I am to finally have a job that I like - I still can't believe it and I often doubt that I'm worthy or even capable but everyday at the moment I do something I never imagined I would or could - so I'm proving it to myself, even when I don't think I can. 

So what does this mean for my blog and my photos?? Well don't worry they're still coming - just not at the rate they once were. I don't need my blog to satisfy the things I needed it to before, but it and my photos have been such a big part of my growth and I guess I could even say, my identity, in the past 9 years. I want to share here and take photos now because its something I love doing, rather than it being something I have to do and I think really, that's a much better reason to be doing something. Also, after my 365 project, I feel like I've finally found the kind of photos that I like taking and the results I really like (see photos above), which means less photos overall rather than the sporadic styles I would say I had in my first few years of taking film photos. Quality over quantity right??

Anyway, that's just a brief catch up on how my life is right now - work is different, for the better, hurray. I could also talk about grief and anxiety kicking my butt but the truth is that even with both of those things being an aspect of my life at the moment, I'm still getting stuff done - work, crochet and knitting, a fun little 365 video project on Instagram, finally developing some film and scanning the photos. And again I know I'm lucky to be able to do these things too, so I'm trying not to take everything - the big things like work and the little things, like that one second of video a day - for granted. I'm learning every year that more and more is out of my control, but the things I can control, like this place on the internet here and what I share, are where you truly shine and grow - and I want to keep giving it all my best. Wish me luck, I think I'm going to need it!

Camera: Canon EOS 750
Film: Agfa Vista 200

p.s. The sandwich was realllllly good (good gluten free bread for the win) and I took the door photo for the 'are you jelli' sign not the vegan one. Are you jelli... what a funny phrase!