Hello there!

Hey lovely people! Once again I have abandoned my little space on the internet for much longer than I intended - however I am back and I am enthusiastic. This last couple of months have been a bit of a revelation for me in that I finally accepted that film photography wasn’t a hobby that I could sustain anymore.

Let me tell you, I have been resisting that final conclusion for a looong time.

I tried getting a new to me LC-A, I tried taking my Superheadz camera around with me, I tried a Kodak half frame camera… But despite having smaller, lighter film cameras, I just didn’t love the results as much as I love the photos from my film SLR cameras. So although I was using film cameras, it just wasn’t the film photography I loved anymore. And once I accepted that, everything changed. Because the one thing I did know, was that I still very much wanted to take photos of lovely light and little details.

So… I started to look at other photography options. I didn’t love the results from my mobile phone straight out of the box (other than photos of my cats obviously) and I didn’t want to have to spend ages editing photos once I had taken them. Eventually we settled on FujFilm cameras purely for their film recipe simulations and of the range of FujiFilm cameras, the X-T30ii is the smallest and lightest option - and well, that was that. I have a new camera and three months in I love it. Its easy to carry around, its light and user friendly, and most importantly, I love the photos I’ve taken with it so far.

I’m still hoping to pick up my film cameras when I have the energy and I still have many film photos I havent shared here too, so this isn’t going to be a fully digital photography blog - just more of a hybrid one. And if it means I’m taking photos again, I'm happy with that.

Camera: FujiFilm X-T30ii
Film recipe: FujiFilm Provia Standard

The flowers from my Nanna

Around 7 weeks ago, my Nanna died. I wrote a personal draft post/letter about it and honestly - I haven’t had the heart/bravery/guts to post it - its too much, its too soon and maybe, I’ll never share it. And thats ok. The truth is that if you had a relationship with my Nanna in our family - it was complicated. She had her reasons and we’re finding out more as time passes as to what they were - but her impact lingers - positively and negatively - some days its more positive, some its more negative. Its been a ride.

During these last weeks, I got some photos developed by Take it Easy Lab (hence my return) and I’d forgotten that I’d taken photos of the flowers that my Nanna sent me last year for my birthday - my first ever flowers in the post. I was delighted. And I wanted to remember them - at all stages of their time with me, not just when they were fresh and pretty looking. The sychronicity of these photos and the relationship I had with my Nanna is not lost on me.

I’d forgotten how sharp and heavy new grief can be. And also that each grieving process is unique to the specific loss. I’m glad I have these photos through - I love flowers and even in this state, the colours were so pretty and the petals so soft!

Camera: Olympus OM-10
Film: Fuji Superia 200

Scarborough Castle

When I first developed and scanned these photos, I remember feeling quite disappointed. Which considering that I had no film developing skills at all and that I developed these during a lockdown in a global pandemic - might have been a bit harsh ha. Now its been a couple of years and I’m coming back to them with fresher eyes, Im reminded how much fun I had taking them and just how lovely it is around Scarborough Castle when you’re there.

A funny (funny unexpected, not funny haha) side effect of CFS/ME and learning how to pace and rest is that you are forced to let go of the idea of perfectionism. Done and OK is always better than not done - and most of the time done and ok is more than good enough. Done and perfect has gone out of the window - which for a chronic perfectionist is a tough lesson to learn! Two years ago I didn’t feel confident sharing these because after however many years of blogging, taking film photos, sharing film photos etc, these ‘should’ have been perfectly developed, blemish, bubble and dust free and definitely not grainy as f*ck haha. Today instead I notice the appealing image framing, the details of the walls, the two birds overlooking Scarborough, the gorgeous views and I take a deep breath and imagine the sound and smell of the sea.

Film photography - the never end lesson in accepting what is - rather than what you think should be.


Camera: Canon EOS 750
Film: Silberra 200
Location: Scarborough Castle