A gate

I'm back  - not that I was really away - just not writing. The mood strikes when it strikes I guess. I've been slowly adding all my photos from last year to Flickr rather than blogging and last week I uploaded a photo I took on one of my last walks to my old job of a gate . I didn't really think anything of it at the time as I really just want to get all those photos onto Flickr (its taking forever!)  until someone favourited it. And I thought 'Thats nice, someone likes the last photo of that gate I'll take'. And then I realised... it was the last photo of that gate I took and probably will take, ever!  (If you're wondering, its this one from the photos above)

I won't ever have to wear wellies on the 33 bus again, I won't get to stand in my little spot and soak up the sunshine, I won't see the funny little black dog I used to see most mornings, I won't see any deer wandering the fields and perhaps crossing my path. I've been in my new job for 6 months now and this is when it strikes me that I'm not on a work holiday and that I won't have to go back there eventually... I'm done. And although mostly I'm totally thrilled. I do miss my little walk in the country side - and weirdly - that gate ha.

I didn't realise I'd actually taken as many photos of it as I had - its nice to see them together.

p.s. I guess you could say this is part two of my 'its what you see' post.

A new camera, a new perspective

Nope, not a new film camera but a new phone with a fancy new camera in it. Sure its digital - but hurray, a new camera to play with! And boy have a I played with it a lot in the last 24 hours - I'm actually really surprised by that - but in just 24 hours, my photography love has burst into life again and I LOVE all these photos! 

I've had a bit of a weird week this week anyway - for the past two years I've been relearning everything that I do - which sounds dramatic - and I guess it kind of is... but yes - relearning.  CBT helped with that a lot - essentially in teaching me that I had to relearn things and showing me how and that it's ok to have to learn but now that's its been a while and I've been through the cycle of relearning, forgetting - trying the same old ways without realising - failing and then finally remembering that I have to do things differently - its started to sink in and actually stick. I've noticed the sticking more this week. I've loved myself a little bit more this week.

When I say everything it really does feel like everything - its hard and a little heartbreaking sometimes - the letting go. But yesterday, in using a new camera and HAVING to do things a bit different,  I realised that I've been trying to apply the same old tricks to photography - using the cameras I used to love, using the films I used to love - and instead of trying something new to reignite my passion - I've been pushing the same old ideas hoping they will work like they used to. A bit like a toddler trying to push a rectangle block into a square hole - the shapes almost there but not quite right.

(I can honestly say that I never realised I was this stubborn about things - a little stubborn sure - who isn't? But this stubborn?!)

So, now that I have a new digital camera to play with - I'm thinking its time that I got a new film camera to play with too - something that's a square fitting into the square hole - does anyone have any recommendations? I'd love some help with finding a new camera as I have no idea where to start!! Tell me your favourite camera and what you love about it - I want to hear all about it.

p.s. You may have realised I've started writing more recently - I don't really know why - but I'm really pleased - I've missed this.

Sunny Saltaire

The sun is gloriously shining here in Leeds and its making my heart so happy, hurray! I hope it sticks around for a while.

Camera: Superheadz Wide and Slim
Film: Ilford XP2
Location: Saltaire, Yorkshire

It's what you see...

"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."  Henry David Thoreau

Someone on my Instagram feed shared an image with this quote on the other day (I can’t remember who now...) and for some reason I started to think about these two photos...

The first one is from 2012 taken with my Superheadz Wide and Slim whilst the second is only a few weeks old and taken with my Canon EOS 750.  I always stop and admire this house at pretty much the same point along the canal and whilst usually I try not to take a photo of the same thing twice (unless its flowers - they're an exception) for some reason this time I decided to try another shot of this house.

Now I've put the two photos together you can really see* that they are not the same at all. 

The lens is different with the Superheadz Wide and Slim, it's taken with black and white film, the sky is cloudier, the path is muddy. In the second photo there's a new bench, there are swans on the water, the grass is longer and there's colour and dare I say it, sunlight!

I've always been a bit wary of repeating myself with photos - like I'm trying not to 'say' the same thing over and over by showing the same photos of Leeds or the canal - but one - I'm pretty sure that the only person who remembers the photos I've taken is me and two - no photo is ever the same to repeat yourself with - everything is different from moment to moment - the light, the film, the camera is older and I - I am very different from the person who took that first photo - even if no one really knows that apart from me.

So I guess this is me trying to break another of my self imposed rules and encourage myself to take the photo even if I think I've taken it before - there's always something new within the frame, even if you don't think so.

* See what I did there - linking the photos to the quote. Top notch blogging there.

p.s. If you've read my FAQ's - you might be interested to know that this post has sat in the blog ether for over a week and I scheduled it rather than hitting publish - just in case I changed my mind about publishing...