Sometimes the Universe (and blogging community) is magical...

I mentioned in one of my last posts that I've been trying to write an e-course inspired by my experience in film photography... and this is something that I've recently started to work on again (hurray). However, I've never written an e-course before, which is a problem.

I've taken part in a couple and I've a vague idea of what I want to do, but honestly, I'm fumbling through. So I decided to start doing a bit of research into putting together an e-course... and some of the things I read, I did not like at all. Luckily, some things I did like and I've been making some good notes, but overall the internet hasn't been super helpful in helping me put together exactly what it is I'm trying to do.

And then, as if by magic... an email from Sas Petherick (you know of her right? If not, pop over after you've read this post, she is awesome!) pops up in my in-box, with not only exactly the information I want - but more than I could possibly imagine on a huge variety of topics that I'm currently interested in... e-courses, blogging, marketing for artists, how to say no (this one I'm pretty sure is just for me haha), yoga, love, business... and so much more. Possibly too much more... as I have no idea how long its going to take me to read it all but I am excited - so excited in fact, I'm sharing it with you too.

So what exactly am I trying to share with you? Well here it is - Multi-Passionate Must Haves!

A collection of 30 hand-picked products for multi-passionate people which was released today and is only available for 72 hours! And to make it even better - its only $97 (or £59.50 UK lovelies) - for 30 e-books worth a total of $2046.95 (or £1,215.24, wow!).

Here is the list of books included:

• 365 Writing and Blogging Prompts by April Bowles-Olin
• Bewitch: Cast your Spell to Get the Customers You Crave by Kris Oster
• Board of Your Life by Tanya Geisler
• Brilliant Boundaries by Kylie Bellard
• Business By Design by Megan Auman
• The Digital Launch Playbook by Joel Zaslofsky
• Easier Email by Cairene MacDonald
• An Effective Escape by Michelle Ward
• Energy Management 101 for Introverts by Tanja Gardner
• Facebook for Artists by Cory Huff
• The Fierce Love Course by Molly Mahar
• Find your very own GPS readings by Sas Petherick
• The Good to Know Project, Zines 1-5 by Amy Ng
• How to Build a Blog You Truly Love by Liv Lane
• How to Say No by Tiffany Han
• Journal Yo Feelings Out by Jenipher Lyn
• Journaling Your Awesome Future by Deb Cooperman
• Launch Your First Profitable E-Course by Halley Gray (universe magic right? It's good too!)
• Life is Messy Planners by Mayi Carles
• Marketing for Creatives by April Bowles Olin
• Playshop in a Box by Melissa Dinwiddle
• Playtime with your Inner Muse by Jennifer Lee
• Power Play by Amanda Genther
• The Purpose Paradigm by Laura Simms
• Sex, Love, Liberation by Ev’Yan Whitney
• The Soul Fire Code by Satya Colombo
• Supporting Multipotentialite Kids by Emilie Wapnick
• The Ultimate Virtual Retreat by Jen Louden
• World-Changing Writers Workshop by Pace Smith
• You Again Yoga by Caren Baginski

I went through the list and immediately 10 or so jumped out at me - including Sas's work, and I think even 10 for £59.50 would have been a bargain, so 30 seems a bit crazy to me. What do you think? Worth the money? I definitely think so - in fact I've already bought it and I've flicked through a lot of it too (some things you get complete and others you have to sign up for or download from a different link, but its all there!) and I can definitely recommend it. It's a little overwhelming to have so much information immediately at your fingertips, but awesome too.

So if you're anything like me and you have your fingers in too many pies (crochet, yoga, blogging, photography, ecourse, blurb books, free e-books... to name a few) or are multi-passionate (what a great phrase!) then this is definitely for you. CHECK IT OUT HERE!!

IMPORTANT NOTE. I got the email this morning and purchased a copy of this of my own before sharing as I wanted to make sure this was as awesome and bargainous as it looks - and I think it is. As part of buying this, Multi Passionate Must Haves also offers an affiliate program (which explains why you can buy so much for so cheap, imagine all the referrals each of these amazing contributors must be getting - very clever really) and because I was going to share this amazing deal anyway, I signed up to it and all of the links included in this post are affiliate links - meaning if you buy it, I get a percentage of money too - which would be amazing for me and definitely contribute to my E-course fund :) so its a win-win all round.

Thank you for reading and supporting my blog, and thank you a million times if you do buy this package through this blog, I've been at this a long time now and I wouldn't share anything on here that I wouldn't complete endorse or buy myself.

Glorious sunshine...

The weather in the UK over the weekend was glorious, absolutely stunning. And although these photos were taken a little while ago, they still show how lovely Yorkshire really is when the sun is shining.

Don't worry though, I have two films of photos that I've finished in the last week(!!!) so I should be sharing more up to date photos soon.  I even took my little Diana Mini out for the first time in ages, yeay!

I've been trying lately to not wait for people to leave the frame when I take photos and I'm really pleased with the few here that have people in the photos. The couple walking in the second photo adds a bit more depth to that photo I think - what do you think? Do you wait for people to walk out of the frame too?

p.s. I'm now rather obsessed with trees after last weeks post, there is probably a lot of tree photos in my two rolls of film, oops.

Camera: Olympus OM-10
Film: Fuji Superia 200
Location: Saltaire, Yorkshire

Searching for something... something different

For the last year I've been trying to write a photography course based on my experience with film photography. In the last year I have taken less photos than ever. This has caused a slight problem in my writing experience as I'm sure you can imagine... in fact you've probably even noticed that I've been writing less here too.

My photography (and in turn my blog) has always been led by how I feel, how I feel about what I'm looking at, momentary flashes of inspiration and excitement that occur when I see something that I want to take a photo of. I never thought there was any rhyme or reason to the photos I was taking, I was driven by the search and they appeared.

I was wrong. I was, as I always knew deep down, searching for something, something much more specific than I originally imagined.

However, I still couldn't tell you the rhyme or reason, or what drives me to look, or even why I take the photos I do, and I definitely couldn't tell you what it is I was searching for... what I'm searching for now. But for the last year, an older part of myself - the part that wanted everything to go back to 'normal', to how it was - has been trying to dominate my photos - the part that didn't want to accept the seemingly unacceptable, the part that didn't want to let go of the past, the part that couldn't accept the pain, the changes and ultimately the ripples of consequences.

For the past year I've been fighting myself, and I won't lie - it has been brutal - and it's been showing the most in my photography, or my lack of photography.

But yesterday, as I walked out of the Doctors building, I realised that I was a very different person to the one who walked in that first day last December and I felt OK with that.

Which is huge.

I am different and the way I'm searching has been trying so hard to change with it but my older self was resisting it, as hard as I could - in fact I fought it to the last moment. Until yesterday I didn't even realise that I was fighting, not until the fight was over. I stopped fighting a number of things yesterday in accepting that I had changed, that things have changed, that life is different and will always be different... and even though there is still the (sometimes gut wrenching) pangs of sadness, regret and mourning, mostly I just felt relieved.

For the longest time, you feel you are defined by the fight - but it was always a losing battle - the changes in me were instant, I can even tell you the exact moment - it was the acceptance, the acceptance of it all, that was/still is the hard part. I might never truly accept it fully, I don't know. But I have started to accept it in a deeper part of myself and that's a huge step.

Once the fight was over though, the urge to take photos came back almost instantly, yesterday it was inspired by a word. Today it is inspired by sunshine. I can already feel the tug in my chest looking out the window and walking down the hill to work I spotted at least 5 things I would have taken photos of if I'd have the time (I'm always in a rush in the morning... urgh). It was the best walk to work I've had all year even though I didn't take any photos.

Looking through my recent photos, these three above in particular, I can see the changes were already seeping through. As I fought more often than not my inner drive won and my eyes were drawn to details they never were before, to textures specifically, to the broken, to the damaged - to the beautiful. My drive had accepted them all as a part of my creative identity, it was 'me' who didn't want to.

It seems odd to refer to different parts of myself here, and even words like 'inner self',  'drive', 'newer', 'older' and 'me' don't really explain it well but ultimately that's what depression feels like for me - an internal fight with no real definition. A fight of perspective, of thoughts, of what's real and what's not. A fight of emotions, of urges, of wanting to stay in bed but so desperately wanting to get up at the same time. A fight of clinging on, of letting go, of denying, of accepting.

Depression to me is a constant fight where you don't really know the rules, you don't know the outcomes, you don't know the opponents, or even what you are fighting for. In fact, most of the time I don't even realise that I'm fighting until a specific fight is over. But you are, you're fighting to get through, to get out of bed, to understand, to get to work (and stay there) and I know there will be another fight, I'm probably in one right now with myself.

But for now, I'm happy that I want to take photos again. That I have fought enough to get to this point. That I feel, just a little bit, like I'm winning the battle and ultimately, that all the fighting is worth it.

Camera: Olympus OM-10
Film: Kodak BW400CN
Location: Knaresborough, England

p.s. This post is huge, I didn't plan that, but thank you if you made it to the end, much love x

Komorebi

I learnt a new word today (lots in fact) and it means

"light that filters through the trees"

 Today I really want to go out and take more photos of trees in the sunshine.
I've missed that feeling so much.

Also today I got discharged from my therapy sessions which feels awesome.
I've missed that feeling so much too.

It also feels surreal especially now I know that this is really only the tip of the iceberg in my fight, in my recovery, in my progress... but now I feel like I have better skills to cope and hopefully, I can keep doing my best and keep fighting moment by moment and day by day.

And tomorrow... I think I'll go take some photos of trees.