The future of this blog...

I've been working behind the scenes for a while on this blog and trying to decide what to do with it. My Squarespace account needs renewing soon and I've been slowly working out what to do. The idea of not renewing it almost made me heart palpitations... I just can't imagine this space not existing, but honestly, when I made the decision to definitely keep it around about a month or so ago, I didn't know what I wanted to do with it.

I've had a few ideas that I've been thinking about and I've adapted a few pages to suit those ideas - but rather than jump in blindly along a new path, I thought I'd join all the other bloggers I've seen doing something similar lately and ask you all for some help and opinions.

So if you could click the link below and fill out the survey, that would be wonderful  - its only 10 questions (I'm cheap and used the free survey option) so it won't take long. Feel free to leave any comments here as well with ideas! 

TAKE THE SURVEY!

Thank you!!

Give... my word of the year check in.

So I was going to link back to my original word of the year post here... BUT I never wrote one! I think this is the first year for a while that I haven't and I'm a little surprised at myself... well kind of. I haven't had the best 6 months blogging... Lets quickly catch up and I shall share my word of 2015 formally here now!

I did announce my word on Instagram - which I'm relieved about as I really love this word and I'm glad it got a bit of a fuss at the beginning of the year - originally I wrote

"My word for 2015 is GIVE. And it feels so right and such a huge reminder to not close myself off or hide away with my fears. Its generous to others but also (and importantly) to myself... I want to give it my all in everything. I want to give up resentment (forGIVE) and I want to bend under pressure without breaking. Do you have a word for the year? I'd love to hear it!"

So where am I now with my word of the year?

To be honest, this word makes me emotional when I think about it. This year has been busy - in real life not blog life ha - I've been getting used to my new job and trying to work out a new blog schedule. We've been busy with friends (it's the year of babies, weddings, houses, 30th birthdays) and I've barely taken any photos using film at all. 

I'm really pleased to say that I have been giving it my all in real life though - it's been hard and exhausting, but I haven't held back or let myself be overwhelmed by fear and anxiety - and I'm really proud of myself for that. It's been tougher than I imagined in many ways but also very rewarding I'm glad to say. I've also been doing a lot of yoga and finally felt like I'm learning what 'give' means in yoga. I always thought that to relax your muscles you had to do something special - but I've come to understand that its about moving in such a way that you give your body more space somehow. Its not about 'not being tense' - its about giving yourself the space to be, to breathe and to let go of whatever it is that's causing the tension (sometimes thats more emotional than physical, I carry all my emotional shiz in my shoulders...) Every yoga session is a gift to myself and every time I do it, I'm so glad I did.

One unexpected result of the word give is the reminder to 'give myself a break'. I have a tendency to really beat myself up about things. Blogging is one of those things. My emotions, food, weight and exercise are others... especially when they're so important to depression recovery... but I'm learning to try and take a step back from those thoughts and give myself a break. It's ok to have bad days every so often.

So I have 6 months to continue on this track - to give myself the best year that I can. And I think I'll be OK- that I'll do it - I might need a big sleep in December to recover, but I think this year is going to be a good one. At least, I really hope so.

Have you got a word for the year? How have the last 6 months been for you?  Please do share!

Oh my...

Just occasionally I find something on the internet that I love so much, I HAVE to share it on here. Today is one of these days!

I actually discovered Joep Gottemaker's Flickr stream as part of Polaroid Week this year* and I honestly have no idea how I hadn't see it before! My heart skipped a beat, my breath caught in my throat - and I have no shame in admitting - it was love at first sight. Just look at those colours! And the flowers! If you're after my artistic appreciation - colourful, flower details with polaroid film is obviously the way to win me over because I just can't stop looking at these photos.

I particularly love Joep's collections of polaroids like Yellow Paradise (obviously) and Beauty of Colour.

If you love colour - like me - you will love Joep's Flickr page - so definitely check it out! I need to go find some beautiful flowers and my cameras! He also has an Instagram account where he shares his beautiful photos as well.

 *You all love Polaroid Week right? I adore it! Even if I don't take any photos myself... I'm still going through the groups photos now. It's awesome! 

A new camera, a new perspective

Nope, not a new film camera but a new phone with a fancy new camera in it. Sure its digital - but hurray, a new camera to play with! And boy have a I played with it a lot in the last 24 hours - I'm actually really surprised by that - but in just 24 hours, my photography love has burst into life again and I LOVE all these photos! 

I've had a bit of a weird week this week anyway - for the past two years I've been relearning everything that I do - which sounds dramatic - and I guess it kind of is... but yes - relearning.  CBT helped with that a lot - essentially in teaching me that I had to relearn things and showing me how and that it's ok to have to learn but now that's its been a while and I've been through the cycle of relearning, forgetting - trying the same old ways without realising - failing and then finally remembering that I have to do things differently - its started to sink in and actually stick. I've noticed the sticking more this week. I've loved myself a little bit more this week.

When I say everything it really does feel like everything - its hard and a little heartbreaking sometimes - the letting go. But yesterday, in using a new camera and HAVING to do things a bit different,  I realised that I've been trying to apply the same old tricks to photography - using the cameras I used to love, using the films I used to love - and instead of trying something new to reignite my passion - I've been pushing the same old ideas hoping they will work like they used to. A bit like a toddler trying to push a rectangle block into a square hole - the shapes almost there but not quite right.

(I can honestly say that I never realised I was this stubborn about things - a little stubborn sure - who isn't? But this stubborn?!)

So, now that I have a new digital camera to play with - I'm thinking its time that I got a new film camera to play with too - something that's a square fitting into the square hole - does anyone have any recommendations? I'd love some help with finding a new camera as I have no idea where to start!! Tell me your favourite camera and what you love about it - I want to hear all about it.

p.s. You may have realised I've started writing more recently - I don't really know why - but I'm really pleased - I've missed this.