The flowers from my Nanna

Around 7 weeks ago, my Nanna died. I wrote a personal draft post/letter about it and honestly - I haven’t had the heart/bravery/guts to post it - its too much, its too soon and maybe, I’ll never share it. And thats ok. The truth is that if you had a relationship with my Nanna in our family - it was complicated. She had her reasons and we’re finding out more as time passes as to what they were - but her impact lingers - positively and negatively - some days its more positive, some its more negative. Its been a ride.

During these last weeks, I got some photos developed by Take it Easy Lab (hence my return) and I’d forgotten that I’d taken photos of the flowers that my Nanna sent me last year for my birthday - my first ever flowers in the post. I was delighted. And I wanted to remember them - at all stages of their time with me, not just when they were fresh and pretty looking. The sychronicity of these photos and the relationship I had with my Nanna is not lost on me.

I’d forgotten how sharp and heavy new grief can be. And also that each grieving process is unique to the specific loss. I’m glad I have these photos through - I love flowers and even in this state, the colours were so pretty and the petals so soft!

Camera: Olympus OM-10
Film: Fuji Superia 200

Scarborough Castle

When I first developed and scanned these photos, I remember feeling quite disappointed. Which considering that I had no film developing skills at all and that I developed these during a lockdown in a global pandemic - might have been a bit harsh ha. Now its been a couple of years and I’m coming back to them with fresher eyes, Im reminded how much fun I had taking them and just how lovely it is around Scarborough Castle when you’re there.

A funny (funny unexpected, not funny haha) side effect of CFS/ME and learning how to pace and rest is that you are forced to let go of the idea of perfectionism. Done and OK is always better than not done - and most of the time done and ok is more than good enough. Done and perfect has gone out of the window - which for a chronic perfectionist is a tough lesson to learn! Two years ago I didn’t feel confident sharing these because after however many years of blogging, taking film photos, sharing film photos etc, these ‘should’ have been perfectly developed, blemish, bubble and dust free and definitely not grainy as f*ck haha. Today instead I notice the appealing image framing, the details of the walls, the two birds overlooking Scarborough, the gorgeous views and I take a deep breath and imagine the sound and smell of the sea.

Film photography - the never end lesson in accepting what is - rather than what you think should be.

Camera: Canon EOS 750
Film: Silberra 200
Location: Scarborough Castle

The Tiled Hall, Leeds

I’m sure I’ve said it before, but if I had to pick my favourite places in Leeds, it would be the libraries.

The main library in Leeds houses the Tiled Hall Cafe - and I remember this visit well as I was absolutely delighted to be there after so much time away during the pandemic. The cafe usually has food I can eat too and on this visit I had a very tasty flapjack and coffee.

Such a delight to be taking photos again and especially to be using my OM-10 <3

Camera: Olympus OM-10
Location: Tiled Hall, Leeds
Film: Fuji Superia 200

There are no rules

So its been a while. And its been a year. I ,um, don’t even know where to start to be honest… I had all the good intentions to only be away for a little while and then I got really poorly. In the end I had my gallbladder removed in the early summer and unfortunately one of my scars became infected - all throughout those crazy summer heatwaves we had here in the UK. I would not recommend surgery and recovery during a heatwave! Especially if you have CFS/ME on top. Sadly not too long after that, we also lost our Grandmothers and it feels like I’ve only just had time to catch my breath and really process how hard the past few months have been - both physically and mentally. I’m ok - I’m not ok. You know how it goes.

However, there is some good news - in having my gallbladder removed, I have had a bit more energy to take a camera around with me - and after a serious photography/blogging drought this year - I finally got some photos developed huzzah! It feels a bit strange to have hardly taken any film photos for a while, but I’m hoping to carry a camera around a lot more often now. The other good news is that other than Jim and Helen who I think perhaps will still probably read my blog (Hi both if so! I hope you’re ok and thank you) - I generally have no clue if anyone else does - so it doesn’t really matter what I do around here. This is my playground all - join me if you will.

First up - lets just get into some juicy photos shall we! Some of my favourites from the last few rolls I finally got developed - in no particular order.

Camera: My fixed, happy and clean lovely Olympus OM-10
Location: Some from Norfolk, some from Yorkshire, some from elsewhere