So... What did we learn?

Hey there! Just a check in with what I've learnt from my little survey a couple of weeks ago and what that means for me and my blogs future.

First - what did I learn?

1. I have awesome blog readers. I always knew that - but I'm very pleased that some of you filled out the survey and proved me right. It's all very well Bloglovin saying you have so many followers and then Squarespace saying a totally different number - but to see actual engagement (other than comments which are dwindling all over these days) is very heartwarming and reassuring. I'm so glad that you're here. A few of you even remembered when I blogged on Blogger and that really made my day.

2. You are spread out around the world! And boy do I really love that - Europe, America, even the Philippines!  

3. Some of you would download things from me and some of you wouldn't - some would pay, some wouldn't.  I had guessed that would be the case putting together the survey together but its nice to know rather than just assume things and worrying about it down the line.

So, now... the real question - why did I write this survey? My Dad sat me down and asked me the same thing last week - his words were 'it's your blog, do what you want.' which is very sound advice Dad : ) and usually that is how I roll around here - hence the random weeks off and occasionally word splurge posts like this one. 

So why the survey...

1. This blog costs me money - it is only about £200 a year with Squarespace fees, Flickr payments and the odd expense on things - but its always money I forget to budget for and every year I question paying for it and if its worth me continuing on.  I could move back to Blogger and not pay as much but I love Squarespace and I love that my blog looks awesome. I could just delete it and be done - but I think I'd lose more than just a space on the internet... I'd lose memories, contacts with amazing people and a lot of hard work from the last 6 years. Deleting is not an option.

So, I'd like to try and earn just a little bit of money back so that this blog can pay for itself and it doesn't become another thing that I worry about. Maybe I could even buy more film and take more photos and then actually have more to blog about... but that's not really a big deal if not - it would just be a bonus.

One person mentioned that they like that I don't sell things - and I'm definitely going to try and not become that blogger that pushes things with every post or sells a lifestyle, etc. If I sell things, it will be all from me, something unique to this blog and things I want to share and feel that are of value - and lets be honest, for the amount of money I want to make, I'll probably sell it for less than I should ha. 

2. I like a challenge.  Most things I love I've started from scratch with no formal learning as such, just me finding the resources I can - blogging, crochet, yoga, photography... and I've loved pushing myself to get better at them. I want to know if I could make this blog something sustainable for me - I want to know if I can give it a future where I don't have to worry about money and I can focus on quality and consistency. I want this blog to be at its best and that's going to require a little bit of help from other people - not for nothing of course - but for something awesome. I want to see if I can make awesome things and I wanted to know before I put all the effort in if people would actually want them. 

3. I have things to say and I wanted to feel validated in saying them.  A lot of effort goes into writing posts - I put a lot of myself into this blog and if you were just here for the pretty photos, then I'd feel a bit like my words aren't even being read. And I didn't like that idea at all. Luckily a lot of you like the words as well as the photos. Phew!

As expected - some of you want to read about my depression recovery and some don't - this is going to be a tough one to balance I think. Some days are bad and I write pretty intense posts that I delete after a few days and never publish. I've thought about this a lot and I know now that I don't want to be the person that dwells on the bad days -  I want to be the person that inspires people to work on their good days and use their creativity and perseverance to feel better about themselves. I'm going to keep thinking on this but I do feel like that's the way to go - it is so easy to get caught up in the bad and there are enough people that talk about that online to help others already.  I want to help people see that the good is worth fighting for and that they can do it. I really feel that if I can do something, then anyone can and I want to share that and inspire others. I want you to know that I believe in you.

So there we are, I think that covers everything. If you have any feedback you'd like to add now you have a vague idea of what's going on - I'd love to hear it. I've always tried to be honest and approachable on here - and everywhere online and offline - so please comment away and let me know what you think.
 

p.s. I totally resisted putting this in as an image on here - but I'm sad/nerdy enough to put a link to it in a footnote, hehehe, indulge me.

p.p.s. If you want to fill in the survey but haven't yet - you can still do that here.

Inspiration where you least expect it...

I was reading up on how to put transparent images into Autocad today (CAD is my day job) and there was an amazing quote on one page that I did not expect to read – which completely inspired this post – it said:

“If you truly don’t know yourself, don’t let others tell you it’s impossible.”

In an article for CAD - about transparency and images! I love the universe.

The fact is – there isn't really anything that you can’t figure out yourself with photography (or CAD… if you’re so inclined). Sure it might take you a while and a lot of practice – but if you apply yourself, do your research and learn with every photo, every film - you can do it. I've done it, I'm still doing it and I started with no knowledge at all – I just wanted to get pretty photos using a plastic toy camera.

If you’re dedicated then a journey usually happens around you without you realising… what was once challenging is now easy and you want more – more stimulation, more of a challenge, more variety and more results. And before you know it, you’re trying out new films, braving new cameras, travelling to new locations to broaden your horizon and get more and more photos.

Think about where you started with photography for a second – and now think about where you are now – how far have you come? Have you changed cameras perhaps? Have you learnt new skills you didn't know before? Maybe you've been taking photos for years or maybe for just a little while, but there will be progression, you will have learnt from some mistakes and gained confidence from your successes. Nothing is static about live – especially when you’re living a creative one. Sometimes it’s one step forward and two steps back – but you’re never standing still and as long as you keep learning, you will always keep moving forward.

If photography isn't your only hobby – then replace the relevant words above with your other hobby (my other hobbies are crochet and yoga) and take a moment to think about how far you've come with that as well – about what you've learnt and overcome. And you’ll start to realise that there isn't much that you can’t do, that you can’t learn with just a little dedication and persistence.

p.s. This post is dedicated to the 8 people who ticked the "More wordy posts about random things that take my fancy... cos why not?!" option on my survey because you all made me smile :)

p.p.s. If you want to tick this option too (cos why not?) - you can find the survey here! 

 

Starting over...

"What is of greatest important is to hold a moment, to record something so completely that those who see it will relive an equivalent of what has been expressed."  Alfred Stieglitz

My year started with 12 weeks of Cognitive behavioural therapy in Janurary. To say this has changed my life is an understatement - though I'm sure if I tried to explain it to you I couldn't and you probably wouldn't notice any obvious changes unless you looked inside my brain and thought processes (which you really don't want to do haha). But my approach to everything has changed - and slowly but surely I've been changing everything around me to reflect that. Physically I stopped dying my hair, I started an irregular (ha) yoga practice, I bought a Fitbit to try to walk more every day, I go to bed a bit earlier and try to sleep longer...

And although these things have definitely helped me - some things I still struggle to let go of - I still try to keep my old approach and then get confused when I can't make it work. Old habits - old approaches that used to work so well for me but now don't - they're so hard to let go of, they're so intertwined with 'me' that often I don't even realise until very late on that I have them.

Last week Sas Patrick shared a link to her Definitive List of Awesome (so awesome!) and on that list was a link to 200 free documentaries (see awesome!!). Immediately I started watching documentaries and the very first one - a documentary on Alfred Stieglitz - who I admittedly didn't know about before - inspired me in a way that many things haven't recently... and honestly I could have cried. I have missed inspiration, I have missed feeling excited and passionate about art. I've missed enjoying holding my camera. 

I heard the quote below and it struck me like I'd been hit on the head with a hammer.

"Devoid of flim-flam; devoid of trickery and any 'ism'; devoid of any attempt to mystify an ignorant public, including the photographers themselves. These photographs are the direct expression of today..." Alfred Stieglitz

In hearing this, I realised my photographs (and perhaps even my blog too) weren't these things - that I've been trying to take photos like I used to - I was trying old methods to express myself. It made sense for me to do so, that approach worked -  I loved taking photos, I took photos that I loved, I felt my photos at the time were my direct expression and people (as in you amazing group of people) liked the results as much as I did and I was so excited about that.

But lately, I've been trying to share how I used to feel, how I used to express myself, rather than how I am now - and I've been hitting a brick wall. A huge brick wall. In fact for a while I thought it was impenetrable and that my photography drive was dwindling. But now I know what it is and it has a tiny chip in it - or perhaps a seed instead  - and I can already feel it growing, spreading. 

I have no idea what this means for my photos, I don't even know which camera I want to pick up right now but I want to pick up at least one, I know that. And now I know that everything I've learnt in the last 5 years doesn't apply to me anymore and that I'm going to have to start over. And that is so very exciting... and just a little bit scary. Eep, wish me luck!