Following on from my 4 simple goals post last month, I'm excited to talk about how I've meditated every day so far this year. Woop!
(screenshots of my progress, woohoo!)
Although excited about talking about it doesn't mean its been easy. In fact, some days its been the worst part of my day - which I didn't expect to say at all.
I've read a lot about how meditation is key to balancing your mind and its particularly helpful for depression, anxiety and being a highly sensitive person (which it turns out, I definitely am). And although I've read about the benefits of meditation and how wonderful it is to help create space in your mind. What I was not prepared for was the onslaught of emotions.
There is no where to hide from yourself when you're meditating!
Why didn't someone warn me?!!?
Creating space is a great feeling I will admit and being able to focus on things has definitely been something that I've experienced as a benefit, but its also been so incredibly emotional. I realised late last year that my real problem wasn't what I thought about my feelings - but how I felt about my thoughts and meditation has definitely been helping me to differentiate between thoughts and feelings and the process and order I experience them. I've come to understand that feelings are reactions to things - events, situations, thoughts... and reactions happen without your control - and meditation seems to open the doors to these feelings and let them free without any influence from my 'thinking' self. Almost as if the spaces between your thoughts allow your true feelings to slip through and be felt, rather than them being constantly overwhelmed and trampled by repetitive and automatic thinking.
I ended up googling 'crying in meditation' at one point because it was so difficult and distressing and it is a normal process apparently... This particular paragraph from The Myth and Meditation of Magic I found particularly reassuring.
"In doing so, at first, all the scum, the past wounds, the old hurts, grudges and resentments are going to surface. It can be unpleasant, unsettling, scary, painful, and absolutely no fun to deal with. BUT it is good work essential to healing emotional wounds and becoming a whole, healthy, happy person. This is the magic of meditation. "
I'm intrigued to see where meditation is going to take me in the next month - because it has not been anything like I expected it would be. And I'm ok with that.
If you meditate regularly I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments.