It's that time again - a new year means a new word (As in the past two years, the use of a word for the year is inspired by Susannah).
I tend to start thinking about my new word once it hits December, not too seriously, I just start to think up words I like, words that seem to follow on naturally from where I am. Words that sounds nice, feel nice, look nice... Normally I stumble on a word I like, but I don't love it. So then, I hit the thesaurus. Is it weird that a thesaurus is one of my favourite things? Words are so fascinating to me, the fact that two words can mean similar things but still not be quite right... the hunt for the right word as I follow links and hunches across the pages is exciting I think.
Anyway, I had fun looking for my word this year. I wanted it to be simpler (lets face it 'alleviate' for last year ended up being veerrry complicated) but I wanted it to still be a doing word - something that demands action. Positive action. All the time. I had good intentions with 'alleviate' last year and it was definitely a word I needed at the time - in fact I'm pretty sure I needed to go through all the complications to get to where I am now. And for that, I am oddly grateful... when you start to truly look at the bad things about yourself, the things you don't want to face, the good things start to jump out at you too - slower perhaps and harder to see definitely, but once you know that they are there, no one can take that away from you.
What I didn't expect from 'alleviate' is that it would be myself that I alleviated - a version of myself - one that I spent so long believing in and trusting to be a true version that I didn't even realise it was a shell I'd built around me - but that shell fully cracked and collapsed around me and at first, I felt like I was left with nothing.
But, I wasn't left with nothing. I was still there - hidden inside - I was (and still am) raw, I'm fumbling through the fallen pieces and trying to figure out which parts are really me - which parts I really want to be me. But now I have nothing to hide behind... no pretences, no half truths, no misconceptions... I just have me with no self imposed limits.
This is one of the reasons that I chose a positive word for 2014. I didn't want something to restrain my negativity, or to relieve myself of it - instead I wanted something to build my positivity - to take me away from any negativity all together.
So, here it is, my word of 2014...
Ohhhh I have a good feeling about this word already - what do you think?
It seems simple - to infuse life, courage and spirit, but I can imagine its going to be a slog when I'm already facing an uphill climb. However saying that, I am excited to see where this word is going to take me this year and where I will be this time in 12 months as well.
Have you chosen a word for this year?